


i'm in love with how your soul is a mix of chaos and art

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Reassuring Aaron, a lot of fluff and banter, insecure robert and loving aaron, pillowtalk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: "I guess i'm just worried i'm holding you back or something” robert whispers, barely audible and aaron has to stop himself from gasping in shock.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	i'm in love with how your soul is a mix of chaos and art

**Author's Note:**

> the summary of this looks angsty as hell but i promise, it's really quite fluffy and light-hearted! title from outnumbered by dermot kennedy

He’s had quite a bit to drink and feels himself getting giddy just at the thought of curling up to Robert.

The older man stirs slightly as Aaron slides into the bed behind Robert.

“Aaron?” Robert mumbles.

“Yeah it’s me.” Aaron presses a quick kiss to Robert’s shoulder. “Go back to sleep.”

Robert seems to wake up a bit and turns around to face Aaron, a frown on his face.

“Hey you.” Aaron says happily as he touches his husband’s cheek. “How are ya feeling?” He’s soft, he knows he is and maybe it’s the beer but it’s no secret to Robert that he feels so free to love and love some more when it’s just him and Robert. And he’s just happy. Happy because he's had a good night, happy because he gets to come back home to Robert, who never stops being adorable when he’s sleepy, happy because it’s the weekend and they have two days of just spending time together to look forward to.

“You’re back.” Robert says, still looking all confused.

“Yep, didn’t want to be without you for too long did I?” Aaron strokes Robert’s cheek softly before dropping his hand on the bed.

“But it’s not that late, is it?”

“No, the lads were going into town and I wasn’t really fancying it to be honest with ya.” Aaron shrugges, watches Robert closely, he almost looks upset and Aaron can’t fathom why.

“But hey I’m glad you’re happy to see me” he jokes.

“No no that’s not it. Of course I am you idiot.” Robert’s smiling, eyes sparkling slightly and Aaron is relieved. “I hate going to bed without ya you know that. If you had told me you’d be back early I’d waited for you.”

“Oi I don’t mind. You’re awake now aren’t ya. So give me a kiss.” Robert lets out a laugh as he leans forward. They kiss gently, Aaron hardly letting his husband come back up for air. When Robert moves back slightly, Aaron starts combing his hand through the older man’s hair.

“Why didn’t you fancy going into town?”

“Eh?” Aaron says looking confused before realising what his husband’s getting at. “Just didn’t. I was feeling quite tired and going into town seemed like a massive task. I had a fun night and then I fancied getting back to you.”

“Oh” is all Robert says and he’s back to looking sad again.

“What’s with all the questions anyway.”

“Nothing- I guess i'm just worried i'm holding you back or something” Robert whispers, barely audible and Aaron has to stop himself from gasping in shock.

“What are you on about Robert?”

“Well you were looking forward to it and then I wasn’t feeling too well and now you’re back already.”

“Well if it had been up to me I would've stayed here with you in the first place.”

“That’s what I mean.”

“Robert!” Aaron exclaims, he’s confused at his husband’s behaviour and can’t stop this panic from blossoming.

“I am holding you back.” Robert says again and Aaron sits up in bed as the older man mirrors him.

“Rob- where’s all this coming from, hey?” Aaron says, tone gentle. His husband is looking miserable, avoiding meeting his gaze. “It wasn’t the same without you, I like having you with me at all times. It’s mad that isn’t it, considering we’re married.” He says smiling, happy when Robert finally meets his gaze, a tiny smile on his face. I just wasn’t feeling up to staying out till later. Yeah, knowing you were here on your own and not feeling too well played a part as well. But to be honest with ya, I should have never let you push me into going to the pub anyway. I wanted to look after ya.”

“It was just a headache Aaron.”

“Yeah because you work too hard.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“There’s nothing more to say! You’re being daft. Where did that all come from anyway?”

“Sorry. I was just worried.”

“Robert, talk to me.” Aaron says, he thinks he’s reassured his husband enough but he still wants to know what had Robert even thinking like that. Robert wasn’t holding him back ever.

“I am just being silly ignore me.”

“I won’t. And I’m sure you’re not being silly.”

“I was just overthinking, stupid idea really.”

“It often is with you yeah.” Aaron says revelling in seeing Robert smile again. He’s not going to let it go though, he keeps staring at his husband and Robert gets the hint.

“Fine.” He sighs, looking down for a second before meeting Aaron’s eyes again. “It was the other day as well.”

“Eh?” Aaron says, not at all understanding what Robert’s getting at.

“The other day at the scrapyard.”

“Oh.”

_Aaron’s suited and booted impressing some client outside. Robert’s staring at him through the cabin window and feeling all this pride. He himself is wearing a new shirt, floral patterned which Aaron had obviously lovingly teased him about this morning, completely accepting of the fact that Robert loved to wear floral._

_“Who’s this then.” Robert looks up from his desk at the booming voice._

_“Oh- this is Robert, my husband.” Aaron smiles at him and Robert beams back, standing up to shake the man’s hand._

_His grip is tight and something tells Robert that he shouldn’t like this man whose name is Barry, apparently._

_“Interesting choice there Aaron.” Barry says, smirking at the younger man._

_“What do you mean?” Aaron asks, starting to look uneasy._

_“Didn’t have him down as your type that’s all.” Barry laughs as if Robert isn’t standing right there. Aaron’s mouth opens slightly but he doesn’t seem to know what to say.  
_

_“A floral shirt kinda guy.” Barry gestures at Robert rudely. “You’re always wearing black. Interesting pair is all I am saying, I don’t mean no harm.”_

_“I’ll leave you to it.” Robert says, trying his hardest to smile politely. Aaron is looking at him with wide eyes and Robert gives him a kind smile- as to say, don’t worry I am fine._

_He’s fine, he is, although he can’t seem to stop thinking about the remark all day. It’s still on his mind when Aaron comes home, finding him on the couch._

_“He didn’t mean any harm by it Robert, you know that don’t you. He’s a bit of an old git but harmless enough. Plus he wants his company to work with us, we got the deal!”_

_And Robert kisses his husband. He’s genuinely pleased and so proud of Aaron. The weird feeling left by Barry’s comment all but forgotten._

_Or at least that’s what he’d thought._

Aaron’s heart squeezes painfully, had he dismissed and ignored his husband’s feelings that badly? He had genuinely thought that Robert had been okay after the good news. He grabs Robert’s hand, strokes his thumb over the back of it to show his husband support even though he’s still confused.

“Rob- I still don’t get what that has to do with you holding me back.”

Robert bites his lip, seems to be gathering his words. “Like I said I was thinking and it all just mixed together. The fact that I was here in bed, while you were having fun with your mates- and how you’re not at all into floral pattern or my clothes in general. And the fact you’re always making jokes about my age. And fucking Barry- practically pointing out we’re not a match. I can’t help but think I am not your type at all, like you should be with someone I don’t know- who goes out in tracksuit bottoms and doesn’t read the paper. You’re interested in going on tacky holidays and then you’re married to someone who likes champagne, someone like me. It feels like I am holding you back from doing things you enjoy.”

Really, Aaron would laugh, he would, if it wasn’t for his husband being and looking so upset. It was clear that Robert really had been overthinking, and that all these random thoughts had come together, making the biggest mess. Robert’s pouting slightly but also genuinely looks devastated by it all and Aaron can’t have that.

“Robert look at me please.” He says, reaching out to cup Robert’s cheek.

“I said it was silly- you’re laughing.”

“No, no I am not. Well, not because you’re upset, I hate that and never want that. It’s just- all of that is just pure bullshit Rob. So listen to me yeah? I am so so happy with you, and you know when I am at my happiest? When you are happy. I love you Robert that’s it. Yeah we don’t have the same tastes, in clothes or music and you are a good cook, you like to dance, you read. But I love all that because it’s you? And I love you. So many couples don’t have everything in common, that doesn’t mean they are not a match. And there’s so much more to it all then just hobbies and interests. When is say I love everything about you, I mean it Rob. I love how you care and love so much, and I admire the way you tried and still try to be the best man you can be. Which you already are Rob, you’re a good man, the best I know. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side. I want you next to me walking down the road in a suit for absolutely no reason whatsoever. If I go out for a run and have to pick someone to come with me – it would always be you even if you slow me right down with your dodgy lung. You never hold me back by doing the things you love. Because most of it I love too. You’ve taught me to like champagne haven't ya? And when we go on holiday together we do things we both enjoy. And like I said, to me it doesn’t matter, I love seeing you happy and I know you feel the same. Whatever we do, as long as I am with you I’m happy. It’s just you Rob. I love you. And I don’t want you to ever change anything for me ever. You’re perfect as you are.”

Aaron gulps, the lump in his throat painful. He didn’t mean to get so emotional but there wasn’t really any way he could stop it. He just hopes it’s enough, absolutely hates the thought of Robert believing his own negative thoughts.

Aaron looks at his husband, he has a few stray tears rolling down his cheek but other than that he’s glowing and it’s the best thing in the world to Aaron.

“God I-I love you so much. Thank you. I’m sorry for being so silly. I do think we’re a match- I promise. I was just worried that you-“

“That I wouldn’t think that.” Aaron finishes for him, giving him a pointed look. “You’re an idiot you know that.” Aaron says, going back to stroking his husband’s cheek and deciding to turn really soppy. “I don’t even think I’d match with anyone else. You’re just my person and that has nothing to do with whether we both like to read or embarrass ourselves on the dancefloor.”

“Oi you. But I know it was stupid- everything just got muddled in my head.”

“I know. You have nothing to apologize for.” Aaron grabs both of Robert’s hands. “To be honest I am the one who’s sorry. I didn’t realise how much Barry had gotten to you.”

“Hey no. I was fine really but it just got added to the mess in my head.” Aaron nods, worrying his lip slightly.

“What is it?”

“I’ve never made you feel bad about being older have I? I swear Robert- it’s always just me joking. Like there’s any difference anyway, it’s irrelevant but I never mean to upset you.”

“Aaron no- no. It was just another thing, I think this headache really was on another level.” Robert says, jokingly. “And please don’t ever stop making those jokes, seriously, I don’t want you to change anything either. It’s just our thing isn’t it? I know you’re only joking.”

“Good. And I won’t old man.” Robert laughs, punching Aaron lightly on the arm.

“Oh and that headache of yours- it’s probably all that worrying. Just talk to me yeah? About anything, always.”

“I know I promise. We’re already so much better at that than we used to be though.”

“Oh god yes. Oh and also, they aren’t just my mates Robert, they are ours and it wasn’t like you didn’t want to come. We all know you would have loved to show off on the dancefloor again. You’re allowed to get ill, Rob. Ellis and Matty were worried about you, you know? People love and care about you. They don’t just put up with you because of me. And we all know Jimmy is practically obsessed with you. You’re really popular, you.”

Robert laughs looking all carefree and happy “are we popular?”

“I’d say we are.” Robert smiles and Aaron matches it before leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his husband’s mouth. He sighes, “promise me you’ll call or text me next time, when you’re feeling like this again, like your head’s getting all messed up.”

Robert opens his mouth ready to protest but Aaron stops him. “And that wouldn’t be you holding me back.”

“Okay okay. I promise.” Robert says, a cheeky grin on his face. “I love you, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too, so much. And good thing that you never have to find out then.”

Robert leans forward to kiss his forehead before lying down, pulling Aaron with him. Aaron lays his head on his husband’s chest, tiredness suddenly overwhelming him.

“So you will wear another one of your floral shirts tomorrow then?”

“Shut up. You hate them.”

“I don’t actually, I think you look cute in them.”

“Really the look I am going for.”

“Idiot.” Aaron mumbles, sitting up slightly so he can kiss Robert’s forehead, nose and finally, his lips.

“Goodnight Rob.”

“Goodnight Aaron.”

And they fall asleep like that, Aaron’s head on his husband’s chest, Robert’s arms around him. _A perfect match,_ Aaron thinks before he drifts off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd wanted to write a fic like this for quite a while now, i refered to it as my floral shirt fic lmao. also, this was something i just wanted to explore rather than that i actually think robert had these insecurities in canon if that makes sense. i just totally adore rob's floral! shirt that he wore that one time and i think about it a lot so here we are x  
> i hope you enjoyed this, thank you for reading <3


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